"ROMEO's"

 This essay was a particular pleasure to write. Thank you for indulging me.

 

Sydney M. Williams

 

More Essays from Essex

“ROMEOs”

August 10, 2024

 

“Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.”

                                                                                                 Charles Lamb (1775-1834)

                                                                                                 The Life, Letters and Writings of Charles Lamb, 1876

                

With politics having become so personal and so nasty, the lure of good humor and fun times is compelling. ROMEOs are one answer. Amidst Wokeism, ROMEOs are, however, politically incorrect, so beware. They are exclusionary, as they are for old men and only old men. Women have their own groups, JULIETs (Just Us Ladies Intimately Eating Together). 

 

First and foremost, ROMEOs are gatherings of friends – old friends, not in a chronological sense, but old in years lived. We help drug companies stay profitable and ensure doctors are able to pay their mortgages. And we all know that laughter is good for us. The Mayo Clinic offers short, simple advice about the connection between health and friendships: “Good friends are good for your health.” And we should all recall the wisdom from A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh, with Pooh speaking: “A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey left inside.”

 

The acronym ROMEO stands for Retired Old Men Eating Out. It fits, mostly. Our grandchildren call us old; we all have XY chromosomes; and, since we meet for a meal away from home, we always eat out. However, the ‘R’ adjective does not always apply. Most, but not all, are retired. Perhaps a different adjective might be substituted: respectful, rambunctious, raunchy, racy, relaxed, resolute, or repugnant? All might be suitable, but not radiant or ravishing. 

 

ROMEO clubs have been around for years. Members of a ROMEO club in Branford – just down the coast from Essex – recently purchased the domain name www.romeoclub.comfor ROMEO CLUB LLC, which is incorporated in Connecticut. This lends a formality unknown among the ROMEOs with whom I gather. In his book The Greatest Generation, Tom Brokaw mentions a group of ROMEOs in Cambridge, Massachusetts started by World War II veterans. My ROMEO friends are either members of the silent generation, or, more recently, boomers. 

 

Like most ROMEOs we are unstructured. We have no rules, no officers, no bylaws, no minutes to be taken. In fact, we would swear we never said what we did say. We are simply friends, lunching together and enjoying the give and take of friendly banter. We cover myriad topics, from literature to politics to sports to history to new restaurants. 

 

At the end of the day, it is friendships that make ROMEOs what they are. A ROMEO group to which I belong dates back more than thirty years. I remember seeing a table of old men having lunch at the Old Lyme Country Club thirty years ago. I thought them quaint and, with laughter their constant companion, I wondered what these old men found so funny. Fifteen years later I joined their ranks and discovered their secret.

 

The worst part of being a ROMEO is losing members, an unfortunate consequence of aging. In his book At the Loch of the Green Corrie, Scottish author Andrew Greig wrote of old friends who fished, noting that there was never competition as to who caught the biggest fish or who would live the longest: “…death of friends just brought chill and sorrow.” Perhaps like old soldiers whose boots are placed backward in their stirrups, we should do likewise with the knife and fork at their place setting. They may be gone, but they are not forgotten. As Charlotte says to Wilbur, “You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing.” Go ROMEOs!