More Essays from Essex - "Downsizing"

 I have been working on a Thought of the Day, which I hope to get out early next week. But in case it does not come together, I want to wish you a happy Thanksgiving. Just don’t eat too much and travel safely.

 

Sydney M. Williams

 

More Essays from Essex

“Downsizing”

November 18, 2023

 

“I believe your home tells a story about who you are and who you aspire to be. We represent ourselves

through the things we own…We should surround ourselves with things we care about, that have meaning.”

                                                                                                                                Nate Berkus (1971-)

                                                                                                                                Interior Designer

                                                                                                                                New York Daily News, May 2, 2023

 

At some point, almost everyone downsizes. It is said we amass too many things over our lifetimes. But getting rid of stuff is not easy. It is the subject of a new play I Need That by Theresa Rebeck starring Danny DeVito as Sam, the hoarder. And “hoarding is a damaging psychological condition, and not just an annoying habit,” according to a recent article in The Wall Street Journal, quoting researchers at Stanford University. 

 

For most, downsizing occurs in one’s later years, when the house where children were raised becomes too large – too much for aging muscles and bones. For us that happened in 2015 when we put our home in Old Lyme on the market. It was a house we had designed and built between 1991 and 1993, when we moved east from Greenwich. It sits on nine acres, on the estuary of the Connecticut River about a mile north of its mouth, where salt water from incoming tides dominates fresh water flowing south. 

 

By the time we sold the house and moved, Caroline and I had been married for over fifty years, raised three children and were grandparents of ten. We have always been collectors; so living amidst the antique and used-bookstores of eastern Connecticut, as well as living in the art colony of Old Lyme, was like catnip to a kitten. Given the length of our marriage and our collecting habits, we ended up with a lot of stuff. Moving from a 5,500 square foot house to a 1,450 square foot apartment meant adjustments.

 

Nevertheless, for us the process was relatively painless. Our biggest problem was unloading a few thousand books. Many were taken by our children. A few were sold. About two thousand were donated to the local library, and approximately 700 accompanied us to Essex Meadows.

 

We were fortunate. Our three children appreciate “brown” furniture, as long as drawers on old bureaus work, and one can sit on a caned chair without falling through. Their homes have walls on which pictures were hung, floors on which rugs were laid, cabinets that accepted curios, and shelves that took in books. And we did our share. Minimalists we are not. A few might use the word “clutter” to describe our apartment, but to us our “treasures” are treasures. On our walls, including the hallway outside our apartment, hang almost 200 photos and pictures. And I confess there are a few dozen books that have been relegated to the floor. As a son of sculptors, we have examples of my parents’ work, including rubber animals, which in mid 20^thCentury were sold to schools around the world under the name Red Shed Rubber Animals.

 

So, while downsizing may be necessary, it does not mean we have to live like monks. Chacun à son gout, as my mother-in-law used to say. We empathize with Sam and his “castle of clutter.” As for researchers at Stanford, we justify our squirrel-like habit by arguing that collecting is not the same as hoarding. Books, pictures, furniture, objects carry memories. And, as Nate Berkus said, they reflect who we are.