"Open Letter to Grandchildren"

 

Sydney M. Williams

 

Essay from Essex

“Open Letter to Grandchildren”

October 8, 2022

 

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,

but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”

                                                                                                                                Anne Frank (1929-1945)

                                                                                                                                The Diary of a Young Girl, 1952

 

I last wrote you as a group in May 2017, over five years ago, when you ranged in age from nine to seventeen. Now, you are between fourteen and twenty-two. That first letter was to tell you something of what it was like to grow up in the 1950s. This letter is an open letter (meaning it will be available to others), which offers advice, but which is mindful of the risk of an older generation advising a younger. The opportunities you have, and the challenges you face, are not the same as what I had and faced. Much has changed in the past six and seven decades. But the emotions that govern our behavior are the same. We are unique individuals, but sadness, doubt, and stress are common to all, just as are joy, trust, and relaxation. It is how we handle myriad emotions – some good, others not – that help determine what kind of a person we become and what kind of life we will lead.

 

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Coco and I could not be prouder as to how you have navigated childhood and begun to enter adulthood. The pressure on youth – always high – has intensified, as communication and social media have intruded in ways unimaginable when I was a child. It is important to maintain perspective – easier said than done – for the road of life is long. It traipses through open fields and into dark woods, past extensive vistas and around blind corners. Along its path will be experiences, places to visit, and thousands of people to meet. 

 

All of this adds to self-understanding, something the Ancients recognized as critical to a happy life. The first of the three maxims at Delphi is “Know thyself.” You will be tested and tempted. But in keeping one eye on the future and the other on your values will allow you to maintain your moral compass. While experimentation is fine, recognition of the long journey ahead will help distinguish the good from the bad, the safe from the dangerous – the helping hand versus the proffered, proverbial apple. 

 

Each of us is unique, with our own talents and aspirations. The goal should be selfless self-satisfaction, ensconced in realism – what is possible that fulfills and makes you happy. If you find a spouse to love and to share your dreams (which I hope you do), your goals will be shared ones. But there is no right goal, no one better than another. It is personal. If not in family, you may find happiness in work, in sport, or perhaps in faith. What brings you satisfaction may not apply to a sibling or cousin.

 

Through family, friends, reading, school, and college, young adulthood is the time to realize and appreciate one’s unique talents, where lie one’s abilities, and what are one’s limitations. Be mindful of your needs, enthusiastic about what you love, but exercise restraint toward what you want. A few of you may know how you would like to spend your life, but for most the quest will take longer. It is best to play to your strengths, to enforce them through study and work. And it is important to understand your weaknesses, to correct them if possible, but to avoid the unreachable, like Stuart Little’s elusive search for Margalo. As you follow your dreams you will be tested, as were King Arthur’s knights in their search for the Sangreal. As well, keep in mind the old adage that perfection is the enemy of the good.  

 

Luck plays a big role as our lives unfold – people we meet, friends, coaches, and teachers; accidents and where we live. There are events over which we have control, but much of life is based on chance. There is an old saying that we make our own luck, and there is some truth in that. We should each be responsible and accountable. But chance over which we have no control can alter one’s life. Sixty-four years ago, then thirteen-years-old, a cousin dove into what turned out to be a shallow pool; her life changed – through no fault of her own. A month shy of my 21^st birthday I met the woman who became my wife. At the time, my moral compass was faltering. But, in meeting her, the arrow spun to true north. Despite my youth, I immediately knew she was the woman for me. In order to win her, I had to straighten myself out. One blessing has been each of you. My first job after college was with Eastman Kodak. They posted me to Hartford. Would my life have taken different turns had they moved me to Nashville, Detroit, or San Francisco? Probably, but I don’t think about what might have been. Every day, we make hundreds of decisions. Most we make instinctively, unconsciously, yet all have consequences, some significant, others not. We decide and move on. It is the moral compass, gained in our early years, that guides us through life’s myriad challenges and decisions.

 

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We rarely think of how lucky we were to be born. The right sperm and the right egg, stretching back millions of years to the very origins of life. The odds against that are incalculable. Thus, to not make the most of our time on earth is a mistake. While you ten are all related by blood, either as siblings or cousins, each of you is a special individual. As citizens of this country, we are equal in our rights, but we are not equal in our abilities or aspirations. It is why knowing who we are, being honest with and about ourselves, is so important. None of you are likely to play professional football, for instance. But each of you will have opportunities to use your innate talents that have been honed at home, in school, and in college. Success to one may not be success to another. But that is no matter; a productive life, well-lived, should be the goal.

 

As I come to the end of this pontificating sermon. I cannot help thinking about life, how exciting it is, with its valleys and peaks, with its tears of sadness and joy, with its hazards and opportunities. In the final act of my life, I envy you still in your first. Keep in mind, the one constant in your life is character. Guard it with care. Do not let it be diluted. Try not to follow the mob. Do not be seduced by suggestive slogans, bewitching words, or tantalizing offers.  Keep in mind Anne Frank’s advice in the rubric that heads this letter. In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Polonius speaks to his son Laertes, as he is headed to France: “To thine own self be true.” That is all you need to know.