"Happiness, Aging and the Holiday Season"

Sydney M. Williams

Thought of the Day (2)

“Happiness, Aging and the Holiday Season”

December 22, 2010

On Monday a friend thoughtfully sent a piece entitled “Age & Happiness: Beyond Middle Age, People Get Happier as They Get Older.” The article appeared in the December 16 issue of the Economist. Age is one of four factors, according to the author, that make people happy. The others are gender, personality and external circumstances; however, as one who is nearing the end of his seventh decade, it is the conjoinment of age and happiness that most interest me. The New York Times last May published a similar article entitled, “Happiness May Come With Age, Study Says.” Despite a survey covering 340,000 people nationwide showing that people do get happier as they age, the researchers could not provide an explanation as to why.

But it is my opinion and my experience that the conclusions, no matter the lack of explanation, are accurate. Of course, extenuating circumstances make a great deal of difference. One’s health and means are obviously important. I have been fortunate in many ways, especially in my personal life. My wife and children are well, as are my ten grandchildren, all of whom plan to be with us in Old Lyme on Saturday (and all of whom are pictured in the attachment.) Whether I will feel the same way Sunday morning remains to be seen.

Curiously and contrary to expectation, while we often think back to earlier times, the focus of the elderly is often on the future. Perhaps it is because we have heirs, so the future is constantly on our minds. Perhaps we intuitively understand what Alice of Alice in Wonderland meant when she said: “But it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.” Mark Stibich, writing on the blog About.com, suggests the possibility that happiness may be a function of wisdom based on years, or it may be the fact that older people adjust their expectations as they age.

The sense that we become happier as we age is a relatively new phenomenon. The ancient concept of the seven ages of man had man invariably declining as he approached the grave. Shakespeare, you will recall, expressed that earlier view. Jacques, in As You Like It, has a soliloquy:

“All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players,

They have their exits and entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages.

……………………………..

...Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion,

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”

The best explanations as to why the elderly are happier lie in behavior patterns. Older people tend to get angry less often. They are better able to control their emotions. Because the specter of death hovers more menacingly, older people choose to live more fully in the present. Long term goals are less pressing, as is the competitive spirit. William James once observed: “How pleasant is the day when we give up striving to be young – or slender.” The author of the piece in the Economist quotes Laura Carstensen, a professor of psychology at Stanford, “…young people will go to cocktail parties because they might meet somebody who will be useful to them…” I would add that older people go to parties simply because they want to.

Whatever the explanation, I can vouch for its condition. At my fiftieth high school reunion two years ago I found the environment decidedly more comfortable than the last one I had attended forty-five years earlier. Nobody was out to prove anything. We were who we were. We had accomplished what we had. While some might have had regrets, most seemed content with their lives.

I will be out on Thursday, preparing for the very-much-looked-forward-to arrival of my three children, their spouses and ten grandchildren in Old Lyme. And speaking of happiness, I want to wish you all, no matter your age, the merriest of Holidays and I want to thank you for permitting me to interrupt your busy days with my opinions and thoughts. Happy Holidays!